Dear Mr Cameron...

Now, I'm not madly into politics (shoot me!), but as a student, of course, I have a view on the new Tory government, and I am fully aware of how their reign will impact my lifestyle.

Here's a little something I wrote, as suggested by a friend...

Dear Mr Cameron,

I understand that you’re busy fighting a public vendetta (sorry, *your public, Mr. Prime Minister) and all, so I’ll keep this short. I’m a student and I sweat. I know, that sounds like the opening line of “sweaters anonymous”, should that exist, but yes, I sweat.

I sweat because I have to find over one hundred and fifty quotes and references this summer for my dissertation, plan the most important document I will ever have to write and soak with tears, and if I wasn’t clammy enough, I’m currently working thirty five hours a week at minimum wage to pay for my extortionate student rent. Oh, I forgot to mention, my student finance has been cut. I truly hope that the extra shifts I will have to take after September don’t affect the degree that I have been working towards for the past two years. I mean, you really mustn’t be that desperate for over-qualified English language teachers, given that every single person in the UK is English-speaking-British-born and bred, aren’t they?…but don’t worry, I shan’t bore you with any more details, you must be so sick of us sweaty people by now.

I don’t know whether you’re into tennis, or squash (-maybe even badminton?), but I can picture you now; sweat droplets soaking your ironed-whites and absorbing quickly into your headband as you take your last serve of your hour against Boris. Gosh, that’s a tiring lunch-break!

On another note, I come home from a twelve hour shift stinking to high heavens of roasted meats, sporting a juicy gravy residue under my finger nails and feeling as though my Achilles heels are going to snap beneath me. It’s worth it for that £78 quid though; minus the tax, of course. It’s also a good job I love showering, and take my personal hygiene very seriously, even if I can only afford Aldi’s finest brand of shower gel- it’s mighty hard to find affordable hygiene products when you have an intolerance to soap (and bloody hell; prescriptions are dear!). 

What I’m trying to get at, Mr Prime Minister, Sir, is a question. I have only one question for you, and it’s a straight-forward ‘yes or no’ answer that I require.

Would you so kindly lend me some deodorant?

Yours Sincerely,

BA Hons Syra Johal.

P.S- I’m sorry about the torn corner of this page. Some of the wet stuff dribbled from my brow-it has been quivering uncontrollably since early May.